And then I got this email...

Last night, or rather very early this morning around 6am, I decided to take pictures of my nose and send it to a few plastic surgery clinics for online consultation. And today I got this email back. It's exactly what I was wanting from the consultation, but at the same time I have so many mixed emotions about changing my nose.

On one hand, I've been wanting to do this for most of my life and everything is falling into place for me to do it. I have the funds. I have friends who will take care of me for 2 days of recovery. I have the time that I need to recover before going back to work. There is nothing holding me back but myself.

On the other hand, I think about what I want the surgery for and what I want my new face to do for me and my career. It might seem ridiculous, but I think that getting a new face will help me get into the entertainment industry, but the fact is that I don't even want to be a star, I want to be a songwriter and a performer. You don't need a new face for that. What I do need in order to be that is to have connections and resources to become successful in the industry. What I need is the confidence and drive to pursue it even when everything doesn't line up.

It will make much more sense for me to be actually doing things in entertainment before I get the procedure, but then at the same time, what if a new face, backed up with natural talent, will help me become successful?

I keep hearing the familiar voice that tells me "You're not the type of person who gets plastic surgery. You're not rich, or beautiful. You don't have that type of background. You're just not that type of person." "You don't have the confidence or talent to do anything in music, so there's no reason to do this. Don't waste your time and money." "You think that changing your face will make you a better person? You think it will make people like you and accept you? Acceptance and liking comes from confidence, which you don't have. So don't even try."

I'm so afraid that if I do this and nothing happens with my music career, then I'll just be wasting mine and other peoples time and money. I'm afraid that I'll get the surgery and my life will still be the same. I'm afraid that I'll spend all that money and I'll still just be a music industry hopeful.

Good evening,
Thank you for your inquiry and interest in my clinic.
Also thank you for the photo attached.
Looking at the photo you sent, you have
deviated nose
hump
septal deviation
asymmetric nostril
columella deviation ( coming from septal deviation )


I think the procedures below may be necessary for your nasal reshaping.
open rhinoplasty
medial - lateral osteotomy
hump resection
tip-clumella plasty with cartilage graft
nostril plasty with ala reduction technique
I am not sure how would you like to have your nose changed by surgery, some of the procedures above are the indication.
I will let you know the best solution for your situation after I check you.
We are open six days a week except for Thursday from 11am to 7pm in Tokyo/Omtesando clinic.
Please let me know your availability to come in.


Please do not hesitate to ask me if you have any questions or need assistance.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best regards,
----------------------------------------------------
Hidemi Akai, M.D., PhD.
AKAI MEDICAL CLINIC
KNK bldg. 3F, 3-5-17 Kita-Aoyama,
Minato-ku, Tokyo, 107-0061,Japan
tel: (03) 5771-4114
----------------------------------------------------

Lunch Time In Japanese Schools

Here is a glimpse into my everyday life, here in Japan.

Children's Beer こどもビール (Kodomo Biiru)

Today, I did an American culture lesson with my students, where they learned about New Years celebrations in America. I showed them a few pictures of how Americans celebrate New Years and one of the pictures showed people doing a toast with glasses of champagne. I would have never showed a picture of an alcoholic beverage if I was teaching in an American elementary school but because the perception of alcohol in Japan is very different compared to back home, I was sure that it wouldn't be a problem even if they discussed it.

The Japanese don't consider drinking alcohol a negative thing in at all. Some people even think that if you don't drink, you are a bit strange. The drinking of alcohol is so much so accepted, that they even show adults in cartoons drinking alcohol.

 
 Anyways, during the lesson the homeroom teacher was asked to talk about Japanese New Years traditions and then compare them to American traditions. In one of my more rowdy classes the teacher pointed out the toasting picture and (remember that I don't fully understand their language yet but...) I think he asked them if they drink a little bit of alcohol to celebrate the New Years.
 He even made a gesture of drinking a little bit out of his hand. I was guessing that that's what he would do with his kids. But some of the kids said yes, they do taste some alcohol during the celebration, which wasn't surprising to me.

 
I once heard of my co-worker going to a hot spring that was infused with ume (sour plumb) alcohol and people could order countless ume drinks and even pour it into the water. He went on to tell me that there were a few kids that were actually drinking the water that they were bathing in and some drunk men began to pour their drinks into their mouths, after being asked by the kids, and the kids parents thought it was quite funny and clapped their hands to show their amusement to what was happening.

Anyways, what actually shocked me was when one child said that he sometimes drinks "kodomo biiru" (children's beer). I was like WWHHHAAAAATTT! That's a real thing?!!! And apparently it is. I guess the alcohol companies know how to start them off young.

Watch these kids. They be acting crazy in the beginning in the video and they're not even drunk yet.

A few kid approved beers.

So Japanesey: Steampunk Lolita

Yesterday, I went to Harajuku, Japan for the first time and had a few hours to kill, so I just decided to get lost. It was the best! Japan is AMAZING! I love it. From the fashion, to the food, to the historical sites; Japan has so much to experience and see.

I've heard of the popular Lolita style in Japan, but yesterday I came across a whole row of stores that specialized in the Lolita sub-culture. And what did I find? Steampunk Lolita clothing and accessories!!! It was amazing how perfectly these two styles meshed together. I absolutely loved it!

 

The Outsider

Sometimes, I feel like this when I go to church. I think, that's the reason why it's difficult to go to a big church, because people already have their groups and unless someone feels the obligation, no one might reach out and talk to you. But then I think that this is perhaps a spiritual battle as well, where  the isolation really isn't coming from other people but the idea is actually coming from something that is happening in my own mind.

But it comes down to this... I need to put myself out there if I am to make friends, so I do, even if it's difficult, I do it anyways and hope for the best. Thankfully, it seems that many people who attend the church I am going to now, are fairly good at reaching out to people and helping them feel welcomed. I am very grateful to the people who have reached out to me, and invited me to events, because if they didn't I wouldn't be able to make any friends or become connected to other Christians.

I hope that I can be they type of person that reaches out to the outsiders. I hope that I am the person who keeps his eyes out for people who need to be included and welcomed. I hope that I am the person that helps connect people to the Kingdom of God.

Japanese Trick Shots

I thought this was a great video to show you what Japanese schools, and what high school uniforms look like. And it's a pretty darn cool video too.

In Pursuit of the Next Goal

 

"... goals are simply statements of faith."

- Pastor Rick Warren, author of A Purpose Driven Life

In Japan, they have the phrase "Ganbatte!" They say it all the time. It can mean many different things, when translated into English, depending on the situation, but the feeling of the phrase is always the same. It can mean: "Do your best." "Good luck." or as it says above "Give it your all and FIGHT!"

I have decided that my next goal I want to pursue is a career in music. I've tried this once before and failed (well, I didn't fail but I just didn't achieve it). But I'm not the kind of person who gives up. My goal in life is to inspire people to dream BIG and to zealously go after their biggest dreams. I wouldn't be following my own advice, if I decided that I should just leave some dreams as simply dreams.

That's the main reason why I moved closer to Tokyo. I needed to be in a place where I had access to the entertainment industry. But now that I'm here in Tsujido, I'm having the most difficult time in actually going out to do something in entertainment. I have a few ideas though. I'm thinking about looking into joining a hip hop class near my apartment. I'm also thinking about registering with talent agencies in Tokyo. And ideas, will be what they will continue to be until I take some action on them.

But I have these hindering thoughts. Here is a list of the continual jabber I hear whenever I try to do one of those ideas.

You're not talented enough.
You're not good looking enough.
You're not tall enough.
You're not confident enough.
You're not young enough.
You're not...
You're not...
You're not...

Furthermore, these thoughts are then supported whenever I tell someone about my goal and they give me this look that seems to say, "Really?"

But then after hearing all those voices, I hear another voice. I believe that it's the Spirit of God. 
And this voice tells me, "It doesn't matter if YOU don't think you're good enough. Do it anyways. Even if you don't have faith in yourself." 
Then I think, "Yeah. It doesn't matter what I think of myself. It doesn't matter if I have self-confidence or not. Because, I don't need to have confidence in myself. I only need to have confidence in God. And if I believe that God brought me thousands of miles to Japan to help me achieve one life long goal, He can surely help me achieve the next. All I need to do is take a step in that direction. It doesn't matter if I think I'm going the right way or if I'm making the right choice. What matters is that I'm taking a step and trusting that the God who brought me this far will continue to bring me to the next place He wants me to be."

But then here I sit in my room. Typing this blog post, when I should be figuring out how I'm going to route my trip to Tokyo for interviews with talent agencies, and going to that studio to see if I can enroll in a dance class...

I need prayer. I need people to pray for me, even if they don't think that I'm good enough, or good looking enough, or talented enough. They can still pray that God give me the spiritual and physical favor and support to do His will, to do whatever it is that He brought me to Japan to do.

Please pray for a boost of energy to get these things done, and for God-given favor to achieve His will.

“Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.”

― Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting