I have been a Christian for all my life. I grew up in the church. Went to Sunday school. Acted in the annual Christmas musical. Lead the church congregation in songs of worship. Been baptized in the ocean. Prayed for the sinners. Spoke in tongues. I did it all. But all that stopped after I was kicked out of the church.
I had only just started attending Lifehouse Church in Yokohama, before I found myself being threatened with arrest if I was to come back, as if I wanted to go back there. Pastor Josh was a prejudice man, and did not know what to do with a homosexual Christian and because he saw me as a danger to his community he told me that if I came back to his church then he would have me arrested. The crazy thing is, that one of his lame excuses that Pastor Josh came up with to rationalize his decision to kick me out, was because I wouldn't sign an agreement that all church volunteers were required to sign. And one of the two policies that I could not agree with was something about not being "judgmental." (I just didn't agree with the phrasing of the policy, because it was too vague and unclear, and could be interpreted in many different ways.) He was kicking me out of church because I did not agree with a policy about not being judgmental, yet he was going against that exact policy by judging me which lead to his decision to kick me out of church. He was violating the exact church policy, that he was claiming to be kicking me out of the church for not agreeing to! The assistant pastor, Monci, later told me that things might have gone differently if I had told him that I was struggling with homosexuality. The problem with that statement was that, I was not "struggling" with homosexuality. Before I started going to that church I had decided that I was done with struggling with homosexuality. God knew my heart. God knew that I loved Him and trusted Him with my life. So one day I decided that I was not going to worry about homosexuality anymore. Me and my sexuality is in God's hands, and I trust Him to have His way in my sexuality and my life. And that was the end of the life-long struggle of trying to change something about myself that clearly was not going to change, and was not meant to "change" but rather naturally evolve and develop. So, I never told anyone that I was "struggling" with my sexuality because honestly, I had already gave it to God and trusted Him to do with it as He saw fit. And by the way, releasing the worry and struggle with my sexuality was incredibly freeing, and was one of the best revelations that I have ever had regarding my relationship with my heavenly Father.
The problem with the Christian church is that they believe everyone needs to be "saved", and by that they mean that everyone needs to become a Christian, as if Christians have all the answers. Growing up within the church, I totally believed this delusion. And thank God I was kicked out of church! Because I now see how limited the Christian religious view of God is. Granted the Christian religion has a lot of insight into the mystery and complexity of God, but there is so much more to who God is outside of a religion, and the problem with the Christian church is that they believe that God can only be defined within their religious guidelines. There is so much more to God than what can be found within a religion.
I realized this one day when I was listening to the book, Jesus Calling, and thought about how I always hear people say things about "the universe" and all that new age stuff about it. So I started praying and I asked God, "Are you the universe?" And he replied, "I am the conductor of the universe." And I was like, "Yes! Of course, You are!" It was so simple and clear. God is not "the universe" but rather He is the mind of the universe, the conductor of the great symphony that is our reality.
And that is when I realized that I could still believe in God and Jesus Christ, without having to be a part of a religious organization.
I knew that when Pastor Josh told me that if I came back to the church that he would have me arrested, it was a life altering moment for me. I knew that my life would never be the same after that. But what I didn't know was that I would one day be grateful for his prejudice actions.
