The Outsider

Sometimes, I feel like this when I go to church. I think, that's the reason why it's difficult to go to a big church, because people already have their groups and unless someone feels the obligation, no one might reach out and talk to you. But then I think that this is perhaps a spiritual battle as well, where  the isolation really isn't coming from other people but the idea is actually coming from something that is happening in my own mind.

But it comes down to this... I need to put myself out there if I am to make friends, so I do, even if it's difficult, I do it anyways and hope for the best. Thankfully, it seems that many people who attend the church I am going to now, are fairly good at reaching out to people and helping them feel welcomed. I am very grateful to the people who have reached out to me, and invited me to events, because if they didn't I wouldn't be able to make any friends or become connected to other Christians.

I hope that I can be they type of person that reaches out to the outsiders. I hope that I am the person who keeps his eyes out for people who need to be included and welcomed. I hope that I am the person that helps connect people to the Kingdom of God.

Japanese Trick Shots

I thought this was a great video to show you what Japanese schools, and what high school uniforms look like. And it's a pretty darn cool video too.

In Pursuit of the Next Goal

 

"... goals are simply statements of faith."

- Pastor Rick Warren, author of A Purpose Driven Life

In Japan, they have the phrase "Ganbatte!" They say it all the time. It can mean many different things, when translated into English, depending on the situation, but the feeling of the phrase is always the same. It can mean: "Do your best." "Good luck." or as it says above "Give it your all and FIGHT!"

I have decided that my next goal I want to pursue is a career in music. I've tried this once before and failed (well, I didn't fail but I just didn't achieve it). But I'm not the kind of person who gives up. My goal in life is to inspire people to dream BIG and to zealously go after their biggest dreams. I wouldn't be following my own advice, if I decided that I should just leave some dreams as simply dreams.

That's the main reason why I moved closer to Tokyo. I needed to be in a place where I had access to the entertainment industry. But now that I'm here in Tsujido, I'm having the most difficult time in actually going out to do something in entertainment. I have a few ideas though. I'm thinking about looking into joining a hip hop class near my apartment. I'm also thinking about registering with talent agencies in Tokyo. And ideas, will be what they will continue to be until I take some action on them.

But I have these hindering thoughts. Here is a list of the continual jabber I hear whenever I try to do one of those ideas.

You're not talented enough.
You're not good looking enough.
You're not tall enough.
You're not confident enough.
You're not young enough.
You're not...
You're not...
You're not...

Furthermore, these thoughts are then supported whenever I tell someone about my goal and they give me this look that seems to say, "Really?"

But then after hearing all those voices, I hear another voice. I believe that it's the Spirit of God. 
And this voice tells me, "It doesn't matter if YOU don't think you're good enough. Do it anyways. Even if you don't have faith in yourself." 
Then I think, "Yeah. It doesn't matter what I think of myself. It doesn't matter if I have self-confidence or not. Because, I don't need to have confidence in myself. I only need to have confidence in God. And if I believe that God brought me thousands of miles to Japan to help me achieve one life long goal, He can surely help me achieve the next. All I need to do is take a step in that direction. It doesn't matter if I think I'm going the right way or if I'm making the right choice. What matters is that I'm taking a step and trusting that the God who brought me this far will continue to bring me to the next place He wants me to be."

But then here I sit in my room. Typing this blog post, when I should be figuring out how I'm going to route my trip to Tokyo for interviews with talent agencies, and going to that studio to see if I can enroll in a dance class...

I need prayer. I need people to pray for me, even if they don't think that I'm good enough, or good looking enough, or talented enough. They can still pray that God give me the spiritual and physical favor and support to do His will, to do whatever it is that He brought me to Japan to do.

Please pray for a boost of energy to get these things done, and for God-given favor to achieve His will.

“Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.”

― Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting 

At The Japanese Supermarket

     I was just at the supermarket and I needed to know if I had to cook a fish before eating it, because it looked like it was already cooked. But instead of saying, "I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese," I think I said, "I'm sorry I'm American."

Just Wish I Had More Support

I'm currently in the process of healing from a little virus, and this makes my job a tiny bit more difficult. My engery level has gone down and my voice is gone and my lungs are filled with mucus and it makes teaching, and communicating very hard.

Today, I felt like all of my classes went pretty well, but the last class of the day is always a struggle. They weren't always last and they weren't always a struggle, but now that they are, I have the most difficult time with them. The worst classes are not the rowdy ones. The worst classes are the ones who don't participate and just sit there the whole time and look at you. I'm pretty sure that the problem isn't me because I did the exact lesson with 3 classes earlier in the day, and they all went very well. It's just because it's the end of the day, and because it takes so much effort to try to pay attention to someone who you can't understand to begin with. It's easier to just sit there quietly and hope the meaningless babble will be over soon.

This always makes me feel like a failure, even though I know I did the lesson exactly the way I did it before. Having a class just look at you and wish it was all over sucks... a lot. It drains the energy out of my body and makes me frustrated and that doesn't help them to want to participate, so the situation just gets worse until i come to the conclusion that I'll just do the lesson and not care if they are paying attention or not. I keep telling myself, "Don't focus on that one difficult class. You did a great job in all the others, and it's totally understandable why they just don't seem interested. You would feel the same way if the roles were switched. You have been in their position before. You know what it's like for them. Don't focus on that one little negative thing, when you've done so much good!"

I once asked my company to contact my schools to get a read on how I am doing. My boss told me that they don't usually do that, and that I'm probably doing fine. What I really wanted to hear was that I'm doing a GOOD job, that people like having me there, and that I'm appreciated. I once had a boss in TN tell me that working with children was just a gift I had. It was very simple and quick, but he was serious and I have taken it to heart. That little comment gave me reassurance for every other time I would get things wrong.

There's this 1st grade boy at one of my schools, let's call him Sasuke, who hugs me every time he sees me. I find myself looking forward to his hugs. He might be the only person who hugs me on a regular basis. Now that I think about it, the hugs from those 1st graders might actually be the reason I'm sick... Oh well.

Now, if you're thinking that the next time you see me you are going to hug me... I'm not sure if that would be the best choice. I usually pull away, initially, when people hug me. I don't know why. I love being hugged. I actually used to put my arms to my chest when friends hugged me, because I liked the feeling of their arms squeezing my whole body. I realized how selfish that was when one of my friends thought that I actually didn't like her hugs because I did that, but then I explained to her that it was just the opposite. I told her that I love to absorb as much of her hug as possible. Then I realized that she wasn't getting the same feelings I was, because I wasn't hugging her back.

But why do I pull away? Hugs are very special to me. For me to let someone hug me feels like I'm giving them a part of me that is vulnerable. I don't like being vulnerable. I don't like being in a position where someone could hurt me. Maybe that's why I pull away. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing in Japan but... I just would love to hear when I did a great job. Because those words just might help me get through days like today.

Nantoka, Nantoka, Nantoka...

The days of the week according to one of my students

Student: "Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, 何とか (nantoka), 何とか (nantoka), 何とか (nantoka)..."

何とか (nantoka) = etc.

That pretty much sums up what I've been teaching for the past few months.

Americans Taste Test Japanese Snacks

This reminded me of one of my facebook posts from a while back:

You might be in Japan if... your school lunch looks back at you. #kyushoku

And those Matcha (Green Tea) Kit Kats are the bomb.com.

No joke, yo!